- Ten Great Tips For 2009
- let's see if you send this back
- Stress
- Jock or not true?
2. Aim for greater heights.
3. Stay focused on your job.
4. Exercise to maintain good health.
5. Practice team work.
6. Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back. Take your time trusting others.
7. Save for rainy days.
8. Rest and relax.
9. Always take time to smile.
10. Realize that nothing is impossible.
Just before the funeral service, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked..
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own easter eggs.
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts of dementia.
Have poor circulation.
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends.
I still have my driving licence.
I feel like my body is totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotard on, the class was already over.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out..
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee machine.
These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says,' For fast relief.'
THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.
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